Who's laughing now?

Right now, four of the top six videos viewed today on YouTube are related to the Sarah Palin/Katie Couric sketch from the Sept. 27 episode of "Saturday Night Live."

At the same time, the stock markets — already taking a huge hit over the past few weeks — was in freefall today. The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost about 325 points in less than 10 minutes, and any gains made after it bottomed out have since trickled away. The closing bell can't come soon enough. And all of this is over word that the bitterly divided House of Representatives did not pass the financial rescue bill.

While I still don't know definitively how I feel about the bailout plan yet, I have to wonder at what point people begin asking if forgoing the $700-billion plan will be worth it when their retirement accounts dwindle to next to nothing thanks to the markets' woes. Is making this ideological stand against a relatively socialist economic plan in a time of emergency really justifiable when the US Congress and the Bush administration have shredded key parts of the Constitution during the past seven and a half years in the name of national security?

Maybe those statements are a bit harsh, but I don't necessarily endorse them just yet. There's a large part of my being that just wants to say, "Burn, Wall Street, burn," and let's build things back up properly once all the failed financial gambles have come to pass. Maybe then those who play with the markets will do so with less reckless abandon, knowing that there will be no government handout waiting for them, no safety net resting to catch them as they fall from grace.

But whatever the case, these times are almost too serious for us to be caught up with "SNL." And for the record, Tina Fey is easily the most over-rated comedian on television today — and Amy Poehler hasn't been funny since "Upright Citizens Brigade." There, I said it. The hoopla over Fey/Poehler has reached JibJab-ish levels — they could spend all 90 minutes of "SNL" reading a William Makepeace Thackeray novel backwards and in Yiddish and people would still run to their co-workers on Monday morning and exclaim, "Oh my God, did you guys see what they did this week?" Sure, Tina Fey has a great impression and Palin's interview was ripe for parody and/or satire, but sometimes people just get way more credit than they deserve — and that may be the best explanation of why we're in this financial emergency.

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In Case You Missed It...

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Sir! We have a plan!

UPDATE: Looks like the House Republicans finally have something to say and are holding up any deal that exists to be done. I figured these guys would be treated as if they'd gone off the reservation for standing up to the bailout, but apparently John McCain joined them in spirit, using the old "Main Street folks will suffer" line. I know how I feel about the prospects of the federal government bailing out these companies, and I know there's more than a few political leaders who shudder even thinking about enacting that kind of legislation, but I never guessed it would amount to anything. Consider my political radar completely off the mark — but this is coming from someone who thinks John McCain has a very good chance of becoming the next President of the United States. Anywho, enjoy my earlier ramblings and the "Strangelove" clip.

So the cream of our political crop has done something today in regards to the "serious economic crisis" facing the United States.

If anyone can explain to me what actually got accomplished today, I'd appreciate it.

Here's a list of verbage I've heard or seen for what's been achieved:

• A "tentative accord"
• A "tentative meltdown deal"
• An "agreement in principle"
• A "rough outline"
• A "framework"
• A "rescue plan"

What does it all mean, Basil? It means that Bush, McCain, Obama, Pelosi, Boehner and Reid all got together to make sure everyone was clear on one subject: Everyone will secretly hate the bailout plan but ultimately push it through, swearing not to call any political rivals for their support of it despite everyone thinking its the most socialist act by the federal government since The New Deal era.

Still confused? The bailout package, whatever it ends up being labeled, is the new Patriot Act. Everyone will vote for it without really reading it as thoroughly as they should. It will be heralded as an unquestionable piece of legislation that only a communist would dare think about pondering its worth. Then in a few months when the obvious flaws of the plan come to light, half the politicians involved will renounce it a la voting for the authorization of force in Iraq — the administration duped us, the intel was bad, everyone else did it, etc.

So how should you proceed in this new political landscape while the US economy remains in turmoil? The photo at the top of this post should give you an idea:

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My 10-Point Bailout Plan

1. All executives from bailed-out investment banks will be forced to work in seafood restaurants and dress like pirates.

2. To curb excesses, employees of bailed-out institutions will now be paid according to the federal General Schedule, just like their friends at the Securities Exchange Commission.

3. Alan Greenspan will be barred from speaking publicly until he leaves this plane of existence.

4. John McCain will no longer play the POW card in regards to anything remotely related to economics. In return, Barack Obama and Democrats will stop reminding people that McCain, as late as last Monday, believed "the fundamentals of our economy are strong."

5. Presidential candidates who suspend their campaigns less than two months before the general election must forfeit all fundraising to legally restart the race. All funds raised to that point will be used to pay off campaign debts, with any surplus going to pay down the national debt.

6. Treasury Secretary Henry "Hank" Paulson will switch places with former Treasury chief Robert Rubin, putting Rubin back into politics and Paulson as head of Citigroup. Richard Rubin will continue appearing in music videos while wearing fur coats and hanging out with Vincent Gallo.

7. A group of national legislators and journalists, to be named at a later date, will take turns satisfying former President Bill Clinton's ego by asking him his opinion on everything.

8. George W. Bush will be required to have whomever wrote his Sept. 24 primetime address to the nation be his full-time speech writer from now until when either of them leaves this plane of existence.

9. David Letterman will start being funny again.

10. The FreeCreditReport.com Guy and the old Ditech.com Loan Guy will fight in a Death Match. The proceeds of the betting on said Death Match will benefit lifting Wall Street from the brink of collapse.

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Poor choice of words

A "financial Pearl Harbor"?
Really, Warren Buffett?
While the financial crisis in the United States has already shown what it can do to the investment banks and how its effects are resonating with investors, is it really fair or prudent to call this a "financial Pearl Harbor"?
Let's examine:

• If he means to suggest we could have seen it coming and should have done something more to prevent it or at least mitigate the damages, I'd say he's right.
• If he means to suggest that it was precipitated by actions by the United States or US agents, he might be right.
• If he means to suggest it will draw us into a larger conflict, I don't follow.
• If he means to suggest the Japanese are behind our economic failings, I say he's still living in Ronald Reagan's America.

Is this a warning from Buffett? Is the current economic situation just the start of something even bigger? That's what his allusion would suggest. While a federal bailout of numerous US financial institutions constitutes a sea change in US policy, I don't know if it is historically analogous to the attack on Pearl Harbor.

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Quick Hits

• Is the Palin e-mail hack just further evidence of how a McCain-Palin administration will turn over vital functions of the government (such as private communications) to private companies?


• With only a handful of investment banks still standing independently of a bankruptcy filing or a government bailout, is a Morgan Stanley-Wachovia deal next?


• How should Joe Biden feel about getting so little press these days when the attention given to GOP rival Sarah Palin skews far more negative than positive? I say I've got a debate to watch on Oct. 2 in St. Louis. (P.S. - Invite Wayne Allyn Root, Colorado's own Brian Rohrbough and Rosa Clemente just for skits and giggles).


• God save Levi Johnston. (And for the record, Maher loses me when he starts talking religion. If anyone say Friday's "Real Time," you noticed than self-proclaimed Britwit Andrew Sullivan lead the charge against Maher on his own show when the host started to promote his new film, "Religulous." I guess he got tired of will.i.am just sitting there, trying to look like he was enjoying the rhetorical banter and secretly bemoaning the fact he'd have a hard time taking the transcript of the show and turning it into a viral video hit.)
  


• Worth reading and certainly worth disagreeing with is this post from Wizbang, which essentially says the backlash against fervent, left-wing bloggers and other online commenters will galvanize support for John McCain and Sarah Palin. There are some interesting statistics in the article, but how they truly add up to support this argument is beyond me. Take note of this excerpt: "[t]here are Republican trolls as well as Democrat trolls, and Conservative trolls just as there are Liberal trolls, though it does seem to me that the Liberal variety breed a lot more."

Really? Also, don't forget Trig, Levi and the as-yet-to-be-named Bristol baby.

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Madden Curse Reversed

I'm calling it: The Madden curse has been lifted.

Maybe the Football Gods misfired when they sent Bernard Pollard crashing into Tom Brady's left knee and leaving him with a season-ending anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) tear.
Was that bit of misfortune intended for fellow AFC East offensive general Brett Favre?

At this point, it seems as if all quarterbacks are getting a dose of damnation; perhaps the Football Gods are angry at their erroneous dispatching of Brady and taking it out on the rest of the league. For example:

• Brody Croyle will miss a week with a shoulder injury.
• Cowboys QB Tony Romo took one on the chin in their Week 1 win.
• Chad Pennington was forced to endure a loss at the hands of his old team.
• Titans QB Vince Young has something wrong with him.
• Jeff Garcia's ankle is questionable for next week.
• Peyton Manning ended Sunday night with a lower QB rating than Kyle Orton.
• The Rams' Marc Bulger looked as bad as he ever has in Week 1.

So look out, NFL quarterbacks. The odds are against you; if Brady can't be healthy, no one is safe.

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Show us what you got, Sarah

I'm feeling bad, because I know I didn't devote as much venom to the Democrats as I'm currently sending in the GOP's direction, but I find the following needs saying on my part:



Being on a winning high school basketball team doesn't qualify you for higher office.
Marrying your high school sweetheart doesn't make you a good leader.
Having values doesn't make you a proven agent of change.

I don't want to say Sarah Palin is unqualified to be a candidate for vice president. She may very well be eminently qualified, but the Republicans aren't saying much about the things that make Gov. Palin a good choice to join John McCain on the campaign trail as a prospective member of the Executive Branch.

The conservative pundits in the above video clip have identified it as both "narrative" politics and "gimmicky." I can't say I disagree. I look forward to learning about where the candidates stand on the issues, not how many kids they have or how many kids their kids have.

Let's make public the same info John McCain used in picking her for the GOP ticket for the public to decide whether she and McCain are worthy of our votes.

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McCain: What might have been

If only John McCain had joined the Air Force.
Right now they're playing Kenny Loggins' "Highway to the Danger Zone," one of the pinacles of the "Top Gun" soundtrack.
Add in the fact he's considered a "maverick" in the political arena, and you'll find yourself with a couple of RNC organizers who feel really slick about their clever tune right now.

By the way, supporters of John "McNasty" McCain have given up their "Country First" and "Prosperity" signs for Thursday night's festivities and taken up "Peace" signs... how soon they want to see that peace occur remains to be seen. It might take a while to bring home our troops from Iraq with victory, as McCain consistently has pledged.

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The measure of a celebrity

OK, John McCain can play the POW card all he wants, but the whole "celebrity" knock on Obama officially died tonight with John Rich bringing his latest tune to the RNC stage.

When someone writes a song about you and there's a music video for that song, you can't claim to be the simple, plain-talkin' public servant who doesn't need Hollywood or pop stars to make the case for your campaign.

I present for you now, "Raisin' McCain" and "Yes We Can" in their full glory:

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It comes down to this

Enough with the conventions, the speeches, the looming debates and the negative ads.
Let's settle this with a game of HORSE for the presidency.
Barry "O'Bomber" Obama vs. Sarah "Barracuda" Palin.
I will pay good money to see it happen.

UPDATE — Just a few quick thoughts about Wednesday night at the RNC:

• Linda Lingle, governor of Hawaii, played the POW card during her speech. She remarked that John McCain was suited to lead because he understands "hardship" like few others can. It's true that McCain spent years in a POW camp, but the "hardship" Lingle was referring to was economic hardship facing millions of American families today. In this respect, it's not quite known what kinds of hardships Senator McCain has faced.

• Mike Huckabee won my respect again for saying John McCain was his "second choice" for president. You've gotta love someone having the fortitude to say something like that after the GOP threw Huck, Romney and Ron Paul under the bus to make McCain their man.

• I'm pretty sure Rudy Giuliani ad libbed his speech (few scripted references to "9/11") — and it probably suits him better. Why? I won't say — but if I did, it would be with a terrible lisp.

• Cindy McCain seems to have adopted the Palins as her own family after ignoring her own half-sister.

More later following Sarah Palin's speech.

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Watching the old dog's new tricks

"He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared."

— Sun Tzu

Forget Barack Obama's rock-star status or the media frenzy that surrounded the Democratic primary contest that kept Hillary Clinton supporters on the edges of their seats for about three months longer than they should have.
The Republican Party is the one with the real energy.
It's the Grand Old Party that's turning heads and hitting hard with the element of surprise.

Let's start with the nominee: Sen. John McCain, who was all but written off after the Iowa caucuses, somehow managed to dispatch up-and-coming conservative heavyweights Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee, in large part thanks to one-time frontrunner Rudy Giuliani failing epically by focusing all his attention on Florida and then throwing his support behind McCain at a critical juncture.

Move ahead a few months and Obama is the clear winner in the Democratic primaries. Ever the soldier (as his campaign will have you believe), McCain and the conservative crowd went on the offensive, coming out early and negative against Obama. For a campaign that was over-matched in fundraising versus the Democrats' standard bearer, it was a bold move to spend so much so soon.

Move forward again to Friday, Aug. 28. Fresh on the heal of Obama's primetime speech at Invesco Field, McCain pulls off the biggest surprise of the year (and likely of his political career) in naming Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin — runner-up in the Miss Alaska pageant, a former sportscaster and mother to an unmarried, pregnant 17-year-old daughter — as his running mate, only the second time in US history a woman has been on a major-party presidential ticket.

Take a slight step forward to the Republican National Convention, as organizers essentially scrap the first day's schedule in light of Hurricane Gustav in the Gulf Coast region. A day later, Giuliani was removed as keynote speaker for Tuesday's festivities; instead, the evening was turned over to actor Fred Thompson (a former US Senator) and current US Senator Joe Lieberman to rally the gathered throngs for McCain as staged photos of the GOP nominee-in-waiting played on the large video screen behind them like the professionally designed PowerPoint presentation it was. Did Giuliani do something wrong to be bumped? Probably not; he likely just wasn't macho enough to hammer home the evening's message (Which is saying a lot when you consider the alternative is Joementum).

So what's the next surprise in store for the GOP to keep us all guessing and steal the spotlight away from Obama-Biden `08? Some have speculated that Palin will be forced to withdraw from the campaign a la Thomas Eagleton thanks to all the dirt that's been revealed about her family, her governorship and just about anything you can think of that would be potentially harmful to one's political career. This way, McCain enjoys the benefits of having nominated a woman without actually seeing her through the general election. I hate to be crass, but this wouldn't be the first time the senator has committed to a woman and left her for someone else.

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Enjoy the silence?

Can anyone explain to me why the only bit of news worth mentioning out of Iraq in the past few days has been the shifting of power from US to Iraqi forces in Anbar province?
Surely something has to be going on worth making the Associated Press news wire.
Is the secular fighting over? Can the troops come home?
No, it's just convention week for the RNC — and no news out of Iraq is good news, some might suggest.
OK, one ridiculous conspiracy theory a day is enough for me.

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