The apocalypse is nigh, honk if your horn is broken

Here's all the proof you need to know we're living in the End Times, wrapped up nicely into one jumbled headline:

Comedian Carlin dead...Gas prices up...Ted Haggard returns...

I'll also cite Italy's tragic 4-2 loss on penalty kicks to Spain following a 0-0 draw in the quarterfinals of Euro 2008, despite a tremendous save by Gianluigi Buffon on the fourth kick by Spain. It seems somewhat analogous to when the New York Giants made it to the NFC Championships (denying the big Cowboys-Packers matchup many wanted) and the Super Bowl (denying Brett Favre a chance to win one last ring and dethrone the then-unbeaten New England Patriots. No one gave the Giants a chance of winning then, and I think a lot of people (that being of those who care about soccer and are following Euro 2008) give Spain a snowball's chance in the finals should they advance past injury-ravaged Russia.

Still with me? And yes, the news is true: The man, the legend, the mouth -- George Carlin -- passed away Sunday at the age of 71. The AP says it was heart failure; he'd probably have something absolutely filthy and hilarious to blame it on. I won't make my weak attempt to guess what brilliant thing he would have said; no one came close to doing what he did in comedy. Richard Pryor was one of the greatest, but he and Carlin were two great souls separated by comedic stylings.

Maybe I exaggerated about the end of the world being right around the corner, but I'll only admit this to reference Carlin once more: "The planet is fine. The people are f***ed."

Today, in honor of George, try not to reference the bad movies Kevin Smith convinced him to take part in (This includes all Kevin Smith movies Carlin has been in except "Dogma"), or emphasize how ironic it was he did an HBO special called "Life is Worth Losing" (because it's not ironic, as George would be quick to point out), or yell out "RUFUS!" in your best Keanu Reeves and/or Alex Winter voice. The man deserves better. Go listen to "A Place for My Stuff" from start to finish, or see if anyone has managed to borrow "Brain Droppings" from the local public library yet. Find some old Lenny Bruce material and imagine what it did to George's impressionable mind back in the day.

By the way, gas prices are up and Ted Haggard is back in Colorado Springs. Not exactly Armageddon, but I'll keep the threat levels raised to yellow or DEFCOM 2 or something.